I was on my way to work today, when I got a call on my cell. I normally forget the blasted thing at home, because no one ever wants to talk to me anyway, but for some odd reason I had to answer it.

“hello?” I said.

“Mr. Miller?”

“Er, who is this?” I said warily, wondering if it was some telemarketer violating the no-mobile-phone rule.

“This is Casandra Lord, I’m calling on behalf of Steve Ballmer from Microsoft”

“Er, right, how did you get this number?” I said, assuming this was now a prank.

“It was posted on your resume on Dice.com” She said, rather dryly.

“Sure, And what can I do for you, Ms. Lord?” I said, deciding to play along. After all, I wasn’t the only one who was going to get a kick out of this.

“Well, Mr. Ballmer would like to speak with you about your resume, He believes he has a position open on his staff that would suit you perfectly”

“Uh huh,” I replied. “This doesn’t involve emptying garbage cans, or cleaning toilets, does it?”

“No,” the lady laughed, “Honestly, he’s seen your resume and some of your work, and was impressed. If you’d be willing to hold for a few minutes, I’ll get him on the line for you.”

“er, sure.. why not?”

She put me on hold. The hold music was your typical annoying elevator music. I was still quite skeptical (and who wouldn’t be?) until I heard the ‘cut in’ about Microsoft Office, and later Windows 2003 Server. A cold chill started to run down my back, and the phone was picked up by a very jovial individual.

“Mike?”

“er, yeah.”

“Mike, this is Steve Ballmer, I’m assuming Casandra has filled you in on why I’m contacting you?”

“er, yeah.” I repeated.

“Good.” he replied happily. I’ve heard this guy’s voice before, he’s happy, energetic, and enthusiastic. Just the kind of person I love to hate. “Mike, I’ve got a position open on my staff, and I think you’d fit in quite nicely. Your experience at United Admins is exactly what I need. I need someone to manage a team on an Open Source project, ahh, game and web related. The pay is quite good, and you can do it all from the comfort of your own home”

“er, okay?” I mumbled.

“This is a classified project, so I can’t get into it much over the phone, and not without the proper documents being signed, but here’s what I need. If you’re willing to take it on, I want to fly you out here on Monday to get the paperwork done, and I’ll fill you in on my idea personally.”

“er, personally?” I stammered.

“Look, I know this probably is a little hard to swallow, and it’s a bit sudden, but we need to get this project started right away, and you’re the best person I’ve found”

“er, you didn’t spend much time looking did you?” I chuckled.

Steve laughed, “Actually we went through about 10,000 resumes and picked yours from the pile. Can I count on you being out here Monday?”

“er, well, I need to check with my wife to make sure she’ll be OK … how long would I need to be there?” I stammered.

“We can probably fly you out here Monday morning, and have you back that night if we need to, but I’d like you to stick around until at least Tuesday afternoon, possibly Wednesday.”

“er,” I said again, it seems as if this was my word of the day “I can definitely do all day Monday, I’ll have to play it by ear, is that OK?”

“Sure, no problem. I’ll have someone give you a call to make your travel arrangements in a bit, sound good?”

“er,” I said yet again. “sure, that’s fine. I’ll be at work but I think I can grab the call.”

“Great! I’ll see you Monday then!”

And with that … he hung up.

I pulled over to the side of the road, I checked the phone number that had just called my phone, Sure enough, it was from the Redmond, WA area. I re-dialed and got Microsoft’s answering system.

Jesus, I was going to work at Microsoft. on an Open Source project, (Open Source?!). Microsoft? I don’t even have a Microsoft program installed on my computer! …

About 2 hours later, a guy called me with my travel itinerary, I’m set up to leave early Monday morning, and head home late that night. On top of it all? They’re flying me out FIRST FUCKING CLASS.

This is too good to be true.

… And it was.

I Called my wife to fill her in on the news, She was crying when she answered the phone.

“what’s wrong?” I asked.

“nothing, I’ll tell you when you get home.”

“No, seriously.. what’s wrong?”

“It’s OK, tell me your news first.”

I was bursting at the seams, but I had to know what was going on.

“No, you first, tell me what’s wrong!”

“Well..”

“Yes?”

“That lump you went to the doctor about on your .. er .. you know?”

“Yeah”

“They’ve determend it’s cancerous.”

“er…”

If anyone can go to from the highest high, to the lowest low, this is the way to do it.

Oh, and April Fools everybody